Compassionate

 

 

Compassionate

 

I taste your sadness,

Burns my tongue like salt water,

My eyes cry for you.

 

I do not know all,

I try to walk in your shoes,

I will not judge you.

 

This is how I feel,

A nurse cares in so many ways,

Even to say no.

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

Simon & Garfunkel:  Bridge Over Troubled Waters

 

 

At the end of the day, we can be thoroughly exhausted from doing everything for everybody in our lives. 

 

Often there is little left for ourselves in the way of time, energy or even interest at the end of that same day.

 

 

Because we are naturally compassionate and caring, we want to be there when someone we love is down. 

 

 

Being there does not mean fixing something in most situations, as much as we would like to.  This is a wish and not a reality.

 

I have found myself in very dire situations saying: "I truly wish that I could make this better for you and I am so sorry that this has happened.  Can I listen for awhile? What are your thoughts?"

 

Time after time, when I cross the boundary of doing for instead of with someone, the end result is codependency and not compassion. 

 

"Mature love and healthy compassion are not dependent, but interdependent, born out of a deep respect for ourselves as well as others."  (Jack Kornfield)

Beautiful

 

 

 

Beautiful

 

 

I am beautiful,

And so are you, my dear friend,

Inside and outside.

 

 

A smile we can share,

Family, friends and nature,

Common ties we have.

 

 

To learn and respect

Our differences, we can

Even more beauty make.

 

 

 

 

Christine Aguilera:  Beautiful

 

 

Today I received a student paper from a nurse who is a single Mother of a sweet little three year old girl. The paper is beautiful, written from the heart and just a little late.  Considering all this woman juggles, that is no big deal.

 

 

I got the following note, along with her paper:

 

Hi Maria,

 

I cannot explain how many tears I have had taking this class. It made me notice I have to focus on me and it made me realize how much resentment I have towards myself.  Forgiving myself is one of the hardest things I have to do...thank you for helping me realize that.  This was an AHA moment.

 

Thanks for everything. _____

 

We are all so beautiful in our fragility, our vulnerability and our possibility.  I am grateful that I was able to remind this beautiful and strong young woman of her worth.

 

True beauty is natural, authentic and honorable.  True beauty does the right thing, no matter what.  True beauty radiates strength from within.

 

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."  (Maya Angelou)

 

 

 



Awe Inspired

 

 

 

 

Awe Inspired

 

Standing on the beach

Feeling insignificant

I am so tiny.

 

I know I matter.

Yet I look up at the sky,

I am but a speck.

 

I will do my best. 

Perfection is all around me,

 Even in the sand.

 

 

 

Depeche Mode:  Enjoy the Silence

 

I just lit a candle that is scented like the beach.  I am instantly calmer.  

 

As I am taking slow, deep breaths...the first I have in days, I am imagining that I am walking on a secluded sandy beach, barefoot, alone with my thoughts and feeling a connection with myself.

 

Life can seem to be such a race and I need to ask myself why?  I hear myself telling others to slow down and enjoy the ride, yet seem to have the hardest time of all following my own good counsel.

 

 

Perfection all around me

 

This perfection is not me...! That is perfectly OK...! It actually feels like a great sense of relief.

 

This perfection is all around for me to enjoy.  I need only to keep my eyes open and I will see countless examples in the beauty and majesty of nature.

 

"Don't try to be such a perfect girl, darling. Do the best you can without too much anxiety or strain."  (Jesse Barnard)

Thinking of You

Thoughtfulness comes in many forms

Lately it seems I've been sending more sympathy, get well and coping cards.  I guess it's natural the older we get, but it sure doesn't get any easier.

Many of us have lost someone close to us.  Statistics show that most of us have some ongoing chronic illness or condition that causes some degree of pain.  No wonder we appear to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders!

As concerned family and friends, it is a common tendency to want to rush in and fix everything. Some cultures do this much more effusively than others.  Concerned parties are always so well meaning. 

A friend recently commented about how overwhelmed she felt when her sister died.  Her home was flooded with casseroles and cakes, most of which could not be eaten.  People were everywhere for days.  

Quiet time we spent together crying over a cup of tea was when she started processing her sister was gone.  Having suffered for over a year with cancer, she knew her sister was no longer in pain.

This is a close friend.  I knew just what to say and when to drop by.  We have friends you don't need to call first.  These are the friends you can trust your pets with when you need to go out of town for a sick relative.  I call them the "drop everything" friends.

These friends never overstay their welcome.  I find this comforting.  As such, this is the friend that I try to be in return.  Sometimes we need to settle our minds more with solitary methods, such as a warm bath, walking the dog,...

There are other friends and acquaintances that I care deeply about.  However, I would not have the same comfort level of just dropping by as I would family or a very close friend.

I  love to know that I am being thought about.  What a tender and special feeling!

Of course, it is ideal to be remembered for no reason at all - just because!  There are a few older friends of my Mother's that I send cards to "for no apparent reason".  I will get return calls here and there through the year to keep in touch, and it somehow helps me feel closer to her as well.

I had an older, retired friend who was quite sick.  She lived miles away in another state and enjoyed my cards.  While I was not able to attend her funeral, her daughter wrote that my notes always brought a smile, especially my goofy stickers!  I have an amazing collection that could rival any young girl's.

I attempt to write something individualized and meaningful in every card I send.  I always include "thinking of you".  I make an offer of help if it is realistic, finding most are comfortable letting you know when they are ready to reconnect.  I have found that everyone is so different in their rate of healing and need for social interaction.

True friends understand when we need space.  I speak from my experience in 1999.  I was in complete shock, after realizing what had actually happened.  It took me quite some time to "pull it all together".  True family and friends stood by on the sidelines waiting patiently.

And today, I am stronger than ever!  I am certainly sensitive now in giving everyone the space and time they need to heal.  To me, that is "thinking of" the person, loving them and helping them know they are never alone.  

Flowers grow out of dark moments. (Corita Kent)

Take Care of Yourself

Always take a few minutes for yourself every day!

Since I was a little girl, I have loved to write letters and send cards , for any reason.  Some of my fondest memories were reciprocal correspondence with my Georgian relatives.  I still maintain close contact with family and friends, no matter where they live. 

Each July, I send out a fair number of retirement cards to friends and colleagues.  Always written in some fashion on these cards is the expression: "take care of yourself!"

I have been a nurse for close to 30 years.  Until 1999, I didn't "take very good care of myself".  Almost dying is a fabulous wake - up call about the importance of now!

Now, I wondered why society, in general, places self care on the back burner?  Some of the reasons commonly discussed in my classroom include:  family (kids, spouse, parents);  work (stress from colleagues, bills, unemployment issues, time and sleep issues); health (yours, loved ones); higher education (time, tuition).

It was inspiring to encounter a student recently who credited his three young sons for helping him "act like a kid", every day, even for a short while.  He reminded us how important it is to take time to play.  As a nurse, he remained optimistic and grateful that he could go home, after a stressful day, to his beautiful family. 

Teaching nurses who are pursuing an advanced degree, I am overwhelmed by the stressors they  are facing.  If you are reading this,  I urge you to thank the next nurse who cares for you.  Sometimes that heartfelt gratitude makes all the difference.

I fully appreciate that every job has a degree of stress.  Today, there is even additional worry with our unemployment rate; and talented people are searching for work.  To me, this makes more of a case for self care on a physical, mental, and spiritual level. 

Come to think of it, I write "take care of yourself" on most every type of note I send!  I guess I feel rather strongly on the subject!  I consider self care a life saver!

My physical  body carries me through the life that God has given me.  Each day I will experience nature and enjoy some kinds of healthy foods.

My mind helps me think about issues with clarity and meaning.  Each day I will exercise it somehow by being creative, social and interactive with those I care about. 

My soul keeps me aligned with my purpose in the Universe.  Each day I will spend time in quiet prayer, meditation and contemplation to develop self awareness and growth. 

How  about you?  Whether you have retired or you are working, what is your plan to "take care of yourself"?

"Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier."  (Kathleen Norris)

To Forget if for But a Moment



Allow Your Mind to Be Still and Rest

I remember telling my therapist that all I wanted was to be able to have one day when I did not think about the worst 46 hours of my life, in June, 1999.                                                                

For years, I handled myself fairly well, on the surface.  Those in my immediate circle knew how easily I startled at any noise sounding like a gunshot.  I shied away from violent movies and television shows, even the subject of violence disturbed me.  Both crowded scenes and tight, enclosed spaces were avoided as much as possible.

I had difficuly sleeping, experiencing frequent and intrusive nightmares.  During the day, I had an aversion to anyone who remotely looked or behaved like the perpetrator. Heaven forbid, if he had the same first name!  I even had difficulty driving past the expansive hospital where I worked, which, at the time was less than a mile from my home. 

Thankfully, these signs and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have, all but, subsided.  I sometimes notice, when thinking of another stressor, I tend to remember the incident. I remain grateful that it has always seemed manageable in comparison! 

I have been honored, to date, to have presented three Forgiveness talks to students, in a Theology elective .  I speak primarily about forgiving myself in my perceived role.

When I last spoke for the Instructor in February, 2011, I was asked when I was able to actually let go and forget for awhile?  It dawned on me, that Mom's death, a year ago today on May 7th, 2010, was the first time that I realigned my priorities into their rightful place. I was able to completely focus on my family and forget about the events that had stemmed from a madman.

My Mother's sudden death has clearly had the most profound impact of anything now in my life. So unexpected!  I now appreciate that death does not send a calling card. Ironically, I remember Mom telling me she would "not have gotten over it if I hadn't made it in 1999".  In some odd way, this has given me the strength, despite this loss, to keep going.

With Mom's death, I have finally and totally freed myself of the pain and self-imposed guilt from 1999. I know she left me words in her Journal that "my worst days were behind me and to be happy".

"Learn to wish that everything should come to pass exactly as it does."  (Epictetus, Greece)   



Worry Buckets

Worry or Curiosity?

There is nothing like a control freak being held hostage to put worrying in proper perspective.  Simply put, since 1999, I don't "fret much over much". 
At least, I try not to dwell on any one issue for too long.

I have always prided myself on being very organized. I think I always will be, whether about personal or professional matters. However, I used to become overly preoccupied with the importance of being orderly with this organization.

For 46 very long hours, I focused and stared at work that was yet to be done on my table, still in neat and ordered piles. At the end of the hostage seige, my desk and the table were overturned, with papers strewn everywhere. Who knows when and if those all - important matters were ever attended to? They certainly weren't by me. Yet, only hours before, they appeared to be matters of the utmost importance.

What a lesson! And what a way to have to learn it! But it is a lesson that I will never forget, and I sometimes take the time to remind some I care about. Life goes on. No one ever has an empty in box in the game of life.

And, today, almost 12 years later, I will honestly always fret about a little something.  It seems to be an inherent part of my hyper-vigilant nature.

But, now, I tend to view worrying as more of little red lights along the highway of life.  Worry has the ability to stop us in our tracks but should never last for very long. At least, I will not allow it to in my life.

This does not, however, translate to careless, hasty or insensitive behavior.  Sleeping on it is a prudent strategy that has saved me from many an ill-thought decision.

Weighing all options in a non-reactive manner is key. Asking several objective people for their opinion is also smart, not necessarily commiting to anything.

It is really healthy to recognize when you are on overload. You may have  way too much in your glass. And this latest worry is causing a great spill!  And it is YOU that needs to be mopped off the floor!

Of course, at these times, it is impossible to really listen to even the best of advice, even your own! You need to take some time to heal. Only you know how long you need and how often.

I have a dear friend who told me about her worry bucket.  When she has had enough, she puts all her cares in a mental worry bucket.  Only she has the power to decide when to worry and when the bucket needs to be emptied.

• It might be after a walk with your dog.
• It might be after a nice soak in the tub.
• It might be after you have dirty hands from gardening or weeding.
• Or you may decide you can put off the worying for awhile...

Some days we are barraged with the sadness of life, especially when those we love have so many awful things happening to them all around us. In no way, is this meant to minimize any of our inner angst.

Yet, in my darkest days, to focus on the simplest positive act, behavior or detail on this glorious Earth, including the inspirational people I have met along the way, greatly eases any worry over things I cannot control.

"Now I think my point is that I have learned to live with it all... with being old... whatever happens... all of it." (Edelgard)