Aunt Baby and Alvin Wesley

Aunt Baby and Alvin Wesley
Reasons I Smile...

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Give Yourself Time

Slow Down...No Rush

I just paid my respects to a lovely older woman whose husband of 64 years had died. They had married when she was 24 years young. Having been married almost 24 years myself, it is hard to fathom saying good bye to your soulmate of more than twice that many years. My friend felt even worse because she, herself, had been at the doctor's, as she had not been feeling well. Some even wondered if he had chosen this time to die, so she would not be there to worry even further. Instead, his son was by his side at the hospital. 

While he had been suffering with multiple medical conditions for the last couple years and had actually been transferred to hospice care over the last month, no one in the family was ready for his death, least alone his beloved wife. She was lost, sitting in tears. She still wore her nightgown and robe in the middle of the day. She had a distant look in her eyes as well wishers brought casseroles and desserts, no doubt, more for their comfort than hers.

Luckily for her, beloved children will handle the necessary details around her that must be tended to. I always remembered the family members and businesses that were gentle with me at times of trauma and loss.

Conversely, there were some unfeeling business companies that ignored communications and common decency. This made grieving so much more painful. My way of dealing with this was to channel my unresolved anger into letters of shame where  I reminded others of the Golden Rule. This sometimes resulted in a letter of apology, but always made me able to move on from the issue, as forever resolved.

I realized that nothing could return my former life or loved one. I am forever blessed to have the gifts and strengths that I have learned through these experiences and wonderful people.  I have the ability to share these lessons with others in the good work I do each and every day that I am fortunate enough to be alive. 

This was not readily apparent to me through my times of suffering and grief.  As such, I am eternally grateful for time and the perspective it brings.  No one could tell me how long the process of healing or recovery will take. Every situation for every person is as unique as they are.  I know these matters may not be rushed by the time constraints of others, whether family, friends or co-workers. And I know that, just when you think you have all your grieving behind you, the smallest reminder or trigger will surface. Wham, you are reminded all over again!  But I have found it always gets at least a little better with time, in your own due time, in your own way! 

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels."  (Faith Whittlesey)

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